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Encountering denial, especially when it happens repeatedly, is not a great feeling. Someone is declining your work, giving a definite “Nope.” Working in writing, I am well acquainted with setbacks. I started pitching manuscripts 50 years back, just after completing my studies. Over the years, I have had several works turned down, along with article pitches and numerous essays. During the recent two decades, specializing in commentary, the refusals have grown more frequent. On average, I face a rejection frequently—totaling in excess of 100 annually. Cumulatively, rejections throughout my life number in the thousands. By now, I could claim a PhD in handling no’s.

However, is this a self-pitying tirade? Not at all. Since, finally, at 73 years old, I have accepted being turned down.

In What Way Did I Achieve It?

For perspective: Now, almost every person and their relatives has said no. I’ve never counted my success rate—that would be quite demoralizing.

A case in point: not long ago, an editor nixed 20 articles one after another before saying yes to one. A few years ago, at least 50 editors vetoed my manuscript before someone accepted it. Later on, 25 literary agents declined a book pitch. A particular editor even asked that I submit articles less often.

My Seven Stages of Setback

Starting out, each denial stung. I took them personally. It seemed like my work being rejected, but myself.

No sooner a submission was turned down, I would go through the “seven stages of rejection”:

• Initially, disbelief. How could this happen? How could they be blind to my ability?
• Next, denial. Certainly you’ve rejected the incorrect submission? It has to be an oversight.
• Third, rejection of the rejection. What can they know? Who appointed you to judge on my efforts? You’re stupid and the magazine is poor. I reject your rejection.
• After that, frustration at those who rejected me, followed by anger at myself. Why would I put myself through this? Am I a martyr?
• Subsequently, negotiating (preferably seasoned with delusion). What will it take you to see me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Then, depression. I lack skill. Additionally, I can never become successful.

So it went for decades.

Great Precedents

Naturally, I was in excellent fellowship. Tales of writers whose books was at first turned down are numerous. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Almost every famous writer was originally turned down. If they could overcome rejection, then possibly I could, too. The sports icon was dropped from his school team. Most US presidents over the last 60 years had been defeated in campaigns. Sylvester Stallone estimates that his Rocky screenplay and attempt to star were turned down numerous times. “I take rejection as a wake-up call to wake me up and get going, rather than retreat,” he stated.

Acceptance

As time passed, upon arriving at my later years, I reached the final phase of rejection. Acceptance. Now, I more clearly see the various causes why an editor says no. Firstly, an reviewer may have just published a like work, or be planning one underway, or just be thinking about something along the same lines for someone else.

Alternatively, more discouragingly, my idea is of limited interest. Or maybe the evaluator feels I lack the credentials or standing to succeed. Perhaps is no longer in the field for the content I am peddling. Maybe was busy and reviewed my piece too quickly to appreciate its abundant merits.

Feel free call it an awakening. Everything can be declined, and for numerous reasons, and there is pretty much not much you can do about it. Certain reasons for rejection are permanently beyond your control.

Your Responsibility

Some aspects are within it. Let’s face it, my ideas and work may from time to time be ill-conceived. They may be irrelevant and impact, or the idea I am attempting to convey is poorly presented. Alternatively I’m being too similar. Or a part about my punctuation, particularly commas, was offensive.

The key is that, despite all my decades of effort and rejection, I have achieved widely published. I’ve written several titles—the initial one when I was 51, the next, a autobiography, at 65—and in excess of 1,000 articles. My writings have appeared in publications major and minor, in local, national and global platforms. My debut commentary ran decades ago—and I have now contributed to many places for half a century.

However, no blockbusters, no signings at major stores, no features on TV programs, no Ted Talks, no prizes, no big awards, no international recognition, and no national honor. But I can better accept no at my age, because my, humble achievements have cushioned the blows of my many rejections. I can afford to be reflective about it all today.

Instructive Rejection

Denial can be helpful, but only if you heed what it’s trying to teach. Or else, you will likely just keep interpreting no’s incorrectly. What insights have I gained?

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